Candlelight
by EMJess
Summary: If only I knew how much it would've hurt, I would never have wanted to have emotions at all.


**Dedicated to Leo even though I don't know if he'll actually stumble upon this and/or read the whole thing...**

**Classes:**

**Eve: Base, Code: Electra, Code: Battle Seraph**

**Raven: Base, Sword Taker, Blade Master**

**Rena: Base, Snipping Ranger, Grand Archer**

**Aisha: Base, Dark Magician, Void Princess**

**Chung: Base, Fury Guardian, Iron Paladin**

* * *

><p>I was born.<p>

Without any light,

Without any guide.

For years on end,

I was lost,

Alone,

Emotionless,

Asleep.

But I awoke one day,

to a broken capsule

And a warm light,

A light that I had once defined as sunlight,

A light that would never fade.

I guess I should've known better,

Or even just go outside more often.

It was a candle light.

A very large candle light.

You enlightened me,

comforted me,

And saved my worthless life time and time again.

Your name,

People made fun of it

Only because you were named after an animal right?

I thought it was unique,

Cool,

And I loved the feel of it rolling on my tongue.

Your hair,

It reminds me of who you are.

It looked spiky

But it was actually really soft.

Then there was that day,

You said that you liked me.

I couldn't understand.

I only knew you for so long,

Such feelings were impossible to exist.

But, no matter how much I rejected the idea,

My heart still beat faster than usual.

Maybe...

Maybe it was because no one ever expressed such feelings towards me before.

With that thought circling my head,

I struggled to find softer words to reject the confession.

Please..

Believe me when I say it was one of the hardest things I had to do.

But from that day onwards,

I gradually began to change.

I became more understanding with the matters of the heart

And my fighting skills became stronger as I created new tools.

I had a weak body,

But I decided that I had to support you the best I can.

I thought of lasers so that I could protect you, too.

Then there was another day,

Rena had taken you with her to the Alchemist's shop.

She confessed her feelings of love to you

And you accepted without hesitation.

It was because both of you knew each other inside out right?

Both of you came back

Fingers intertwined.

I knew that this was going to happen long before it did,

But shock still hit me hard in the face.

I was finally starting to enjoy your company,

Finally starting to reconsider the confession,

But I was too slow wasn't I?

I guess...

I guess it was my fault for not accepting it in the first place.

But, this is how it feels..

To have something precious taken away from you.

It hurts so much,

It felt as if my heart was being ripped to shreds.

I wasn't expecting it,

Nor was I hoping for it,

But the two of you decided that it just wouldn't work out.

Your relationship was downgraded to being close friends once again.

It wasn't long afterwards before I heard words of love again.

I felt guilty towards Rena for accepting them.

It felt like I was the reason as to why both of you stopped the whole thing.

But I knew that I had to accept it

Because you were a mule.

You would never give up.

Not in war.

Not in arguments.

And certainly,

Not in love.

The candle light seemed to be brighter when you smiled.

It lit up the dark room

and filled my insides with everlasting warmth.

Even if it was just for a second,

I will always remember that warmth.

Days went by,

Everyone grew stronger

In health,

In mind,

In strength.

Then everyone changed.

But everyone became closer

And we started sharing our pasts with one another.

I grew to love you more day by day,

So much that I would break at the smallest things.

However,

It also grew awkward as time went by.

Aisha told me that when the El gang went back to their homes temporarily,

You had kept in touch with her.

She said that you did all sorts of things,

Hugging her,

Kissing her cheek out of nowhere,

And everything else boys did when they flirted with someone.

It happened before I even met everyone in the gang.

Before I was awakened by this light.

I knew I had nothing to do with it,

But my fragile heart completely shattered.

It was then

I learned the true meaning of betrayal.

It was then

I knew the taste of tears.

It was then

I desperately tried to save the dying flame.

Despite my efforts,

It went out,

Leaving me in the dark again.

Cold.

Alone.

I went to consult my feelings with Chung.

Saying how I felt empty,

As if a large part of myself just vanished.

But he took small candles and lit them up one by one,

Reciting the names of the people who cared about me

and I them.

It felt as if the cold was slowly melting away,

As if small lights appeared to make sure I wouldn't trip as I wandered around in the dark.

Then realization hit me

And tears slid down my cheeks as I sat in the middle of the dancing flames.

I am never alone.

I am supported everywhere I go

No matter how big

Or how small.

That even if a candle burns out,

I can just relight it again.

But I felt in order to relight that huge candle,

I had to become stronger.

And so,

I cast away my emotions

and accepted the power of the moonstones.

I love you Raven,

But I am too weak to have the right to be by your side.

Until the day I ever regain my emotions,

I am sorry

That I have caused you so much trouble.


End file.
